maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
