p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
