well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?