what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
