He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.