We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.