dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
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Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion