You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
