Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You ruined the universe
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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