Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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