cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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