I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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