I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
they're like a gay fantastic four
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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