I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
