i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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