maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We got so high we made milksteak
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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