I want to walk on stilts...naked
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
His nipple licking is glorious
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