When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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