best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
