i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
