i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
