I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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