hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
