airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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