mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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