p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
