I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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