I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
