I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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