i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
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