these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
