he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
