I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
