Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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