i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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