The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
