Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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