so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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