Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
