There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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