Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
