I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
