he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
