Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
