"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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