i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
