Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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