i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
