Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
