im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
