Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just blew my weed a kiss
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
