I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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