Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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