there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
