genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
