I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
