i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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