oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
