Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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