Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
