wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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