if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Randomize
