I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
