U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
