Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
