yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
