I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
