you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
