My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
