Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was