I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch