I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration