Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it