You just made me feel so damn special
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
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We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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