Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
