he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's never too late to be topless.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
