Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm always down for nudity.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
