I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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