Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
