the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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