There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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