I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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