Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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